Their New Normal: How We Can Help Siblings Thrive in the World of Pediatric Mortality

Abstract

Bringing it Home: The question of how to revive a family following the death of a child is one that has been with humanity since before we were human. The family is the strongest unit of social cohesion, and while this lends it resiliency, it also means that its failures can impact each of the individual members of the family in a very serious way. For many, especially as we grow up, family forms the base unit of our identity, a constant place of love and security when it seems all the world is a dangerous place, and because of that, death intrudes on the family in a way nothing else can. The death of a sibling shatters assumptions of belief, safety, and prosperity. It is an all-out assault on the identity of the sibling, on the identity of the parent, and on the idea that "everything will be all right." As a society and as a community, we owe it to ourselves and to each other to provide guidance and support through adversity as shattering as that provided by pediatric terminal illness. Those in the clergy and in other positions of leadership in the community have the duty to rally physical and emotional support to families in danger of collapse from these threats. Members of the medical community have a commitment to the health and wellbeing of their patients, and a duty towards monitoring and guiding the families of their patients comes with that commitment. Psychologists and counselors have a duty to listen to parents and siblings struggling with the grief before, during, and after the death of a child as well as a duty to provide guidance to those attempting to resolve the connections to their lost loved ones. As a society, as a larger family, we must provide the scafolding and structure parents and siblings need to restructure, regenerate, and reform their lives in the wake of the pediatric illness. We must enable them to live.